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Ranger Talk


     Uncle Mickey here again to tell you how it is or should be!  what is going
on with the Texas Rangers?  They seem a little lost right now. I guess the
new GM John Hart has a little more work to do before we can correctly grade
his performance.  It just seems this team is cursed when it comes to
pitching.  The Rangers recently acquired Carl Everett for lefty Darren
Oliver.  Now I know what you are thinking, "why are they trading away
pitchers?"  Well,  Mr. Oliver really shouldn't call himself a pitcher.  He
sucks like Pamela Anderson her honeymoon.  That guy was freaking terrible. 
If I was the Manager of the Rangers last year, I would have told him he was
fired.   Hell, I would have taken him to court for re-imbursement for his
salary!  His stats are horrible, but they make him sound much better than he
actually was.  I feel so sorry for the fans in Boston when they waste their
hard earned dollars on tickets when Oliver pitches.  I would like to
congratulate the Rangers on finally taking out the trash.  Now, here's the
bad part: we just got more trash in return.  Carl Everett is what we get in
return for Oliver.  I would say this trade was about like taking a dump in a
gas station stall and trading turds with the guy in the next stall.  The
only difference is Everett is lower than the shit you would get in return
from that guy in the other stall.  He is a sorry M.F.  He reputedly missed
practices, he cant get along with any of his coaches, his teammates didn't
even like him.  Everett has consistently been a pain in the ass of most
umpires in the league.  He even smacked an umpire with the bill of his cap
in one nasty little fit he had.  This guy is a complete asshole.  When he
gets punished for missing practices or missing busses to the stadium he
wont even accept his fines or suspensions without crying that he is a victim
of racism.  My guess is that he is right, everybody hates dickheads.  I
guess his managers are trying to keep the dickhead down.  To make things
worse he isn't even that good.  He has had one good year, other than that he
is average at best.  Who knows if he will have another good year?  Hopefully
he has a few.  Maybe that would make him worth putting up with.  At least we
got rid of Oliver and his hefty contract.  Now if we can just get Everett's
head out of his ass.  Texas still needs some more pitching help but, getting
rid of the worst pitcher on the staff is a good start.  I could be wrong but
I think the Rangers might be better by subtracting a pitcher.  With Oliver
out, that opens the door for some of the young guys to get in there and see
if they have what it takes in this league.  It's going to be an interesting
off season, its already seen quite a few additions to the team and Gm Hart
says he isn't finished yet.  Other possible players who could be traded
included Gabe Kapler, Frank Catalanotto, Rusty Greer, and Ivan Rodriguez. 
IRod will most likely be kept until the team finds out if it is in the
playoff hunt.  Rusty might be safe because of his age, contract, and injury
history.  Kapler and Catalanotto should be out of here.  Not that I want
them gone but, it looks like they are the most tradable players the Rangers
have in the majors.  There are a few hot prospects in the minors but I don't
believe they will be traded unless someone offers a major stud of a pitcher
in return.
     Lets hope there is no stoppage of play next season with a possible lock
out or strike but, if there is the Red Sox fans should feel lucky they don't
have to see Darren Oliver pitch.  I guess they have a little to cheer about. 

They did unload the biggest jerk in the league since Joey Belle retired.
     If the Rangers start the season slow again they will probably trade
Pudge Rodriguez.  That will be a sad day for Rangers fans.  Lets just hope
that if that happens they don't trade him for another asshole like Everett. 
one last thing before Uncle Mickey lets you go: lets all pray for John Hart
to have better luck than all the previous General Managers we have had at
"spending some money and getting some pitching in here".

Uncle Mickey out

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